I noticed that there was a warning on my bag of marshmallows: "choke hazard: eat only one at a time." Feeling rebellious, I stuffed two marshmallows into my mouth at once. I nearly choked. That's the last time I live life on the edge...
While handing out candy on Halloween, I noticed two kids dressed as "big hands" bumping each other as a high five; kids dressed as crayons were chasing kids dressed as paper; and a kid dressed as a priest was slapping a kid dressed as the devil with his Bible saying, "The power of Christ compels you"... I love Halloween.
Friday, I went through the McD's drive-through and ordered a #3 with a cinnamelt. I realized I did not have enough money for the cinnamelt, so I quickly drove out of line and pulled in a parking spot by the door. I tried to look puzzled as to what to order. I'll take a #3. The man proceeded to hand me a bag and said, "There's a cinnamelt in there for you, too. Some jerk just drove off after ordering.
Last night I noticed that our ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it. I need to get out more...
On the way to work this morning, I heard on the radio that, in a town in Ohio, it's illegal to walk down the street backwards while eating a donut. Now I really want to know what happened to make such a law necessary.
I recently checked out a book at the library on how to improve my memory. Unfortunately, I can't remember where I put it.
While visiting a neighbor's home, I watched their cat fall off the couch and it did NOT land on its feet. I feel like I've been lied to my whole life now.
Yesterday, when a telemarketer called and asked to speak to the head of the household, I began saying, "No comprendo". He told me to hold on. After waiting a few seconds, a Spanish woman was put on the line. She began speaking, and after a few words I started saying "I can't understand you!” T...he line went silent and a different English speaking man was put on the line. I got them to switch 4 times. Am I bad?
My wife found 7 bucks in her winter coat pocket that she must have left in there from last winter. Hoping I would be just as lucky, I decided to pull out my winter coat from my closet to see what hidden treasures lay inside. I found a spoon.
I used a Facebook application that told me the statistics about my friends. It said that 60% of my friends are female and 38% are male. I'm still wondering about that 2%.
While eating M&M's I found a purple M&M in my bag. I'm onto you, red and blue.
I was listening to music on my computer and thought I smelled my daughter cooking brownies. I wasn't sure, so I turned the volume down. I still don't know why I did that.
I was at Costco with my wife shopping for groceries. I was in the mood for Naked brand orange juice, so I turned to Sue and said, very loudly and casually, "Honey, can we get Naked?" I have never heard Costco shoppers fall silent so quickly.
I received a Canadian nickel in change from the Coke machine. It was the same nickel I put into it three days earlier to get rid of money I can't use while cleverly tricking the machine. Touché, Coke machine. Touché.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
How to Wash a Toilet
This was simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you
1.. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
1.. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
The Dog
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Real Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Rogers
Captain Kangaroo passed away on January 23, 2004 at age 76 , which is odd, because he always looked like he was 76. (DOB: 6/27/27 ) The following story has been around for awhile, but it is still a good one.
Some people have been a bit offended that the actor, Lee Marvin, is buried in a grave alongside 3- and 4-star generals at Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT) and service (USMC). Nothing else.
Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys? Well, following is the amazing answer:I always liked Lee Marvin, but didn't know the extent of his Corps experiences. In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces, often in rear echelon posts where they were carefully protected, only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award... The Medal Of Honor!
If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery.Dialog from 'The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson': His guest was Lee Marvin.
Johnny said,
'Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima ..and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded.
'Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the bottom and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi. Bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain is guys getting' shot hauling you down. But, Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew... We both got the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison.. That dumb guy actually stood up on Red beach and directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. Bullets flying by, with mortar rounds landing everywhere and he stood there as the main target of gunfire so that he could get his men to safety. He did this on more than one occasion because his men's safety was more important than his own life. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends. When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me, lying on my belly on the litter and said, 'Where'd they get you Lee?' 'Well Bob... If you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!' Johnny. I'm not lying; Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew.
The Sergeant's name is Bob Keeshan. You and the world know him as Captain Kangaroo.'
On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PB S, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat-proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long-sleeved sweater on TV, to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. He was a master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat.
After the war Mr. Rogers became an ordained Presbyterian minister and, therefore, a pacifist. Vowing to never harm another human, and also dedicating the rest of his life to trying to help lead children on the right path in life, he hid away the tattoos and his past life and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm.
America's real heroes don't flaunt what they did; they quietly go about their day-to-day lives, doing what they do best. They earned our respect and the freedoms that we all enjoy. Look around and see if you can find one of those heroes in your midst. Often, they are the ones you'd least suspect, but would most like to have on your side if anything ever happened. Take the time to thank anyone that has fought for our freedom. With encouragement they could be the next Captain Kangaroo or Mr. Rogers.
Some people have been a bit offended that the actor, Lee Marvin, is buried in a grave alongside 3- and 4-star generals at Arlington National Cemetery. His marker gives his name, rank (PVT) and service (USMC). Nothing else.
Here's a guy who was only a famous movie star who served his time, why the heck does he rate burial with these guys? Well, following is the amazing answer:I always liked Lee Marvin, but didn't know the extent of his Corps experiences. In a time when many Hollywood stars served their country in the armed forces, often in rear echelon posts where they were carefully protected, only to be trotted out to perform for the cameras in war bond promotions, Lee Marvin was a genuine hero. He won the Navy Cross at Iwo Jima. There is only one higher Naval award... The Medal Of Honor!
If that is a surprising comment on the true character of the man, he credits his sergeant with an even greater show of bravery.Dialog from 'The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson': His guest was Lee Marvin.
Johnny said,
'Lee, I'll bet a lot of people are unaware that you were a Marine in the initial landing at Iwo Jima ..and that during the course of that action you earned the Navy Cross and were severely wounded.
'Yeah, yeah... I got shot square in the bottom and they gave me the Cross for securing a hot spot about halfway up Suribachi. Bad thing about getting shot up on a mountain is guys getting' shot hauling you down. But, Johnny, at Iwo I served under the bravest man I ever knew... We both got the Cross the same day, but what he did for his Cross made mine look cheap in comparison.. That dumb guy actually stood up on Red beach and directed his troops to move forward and get the hell off the beach. Bullets flying by, with mortar rounds landing everywhere and he stood there as the main target of gunfire so that he could get his men to safety. He did this on more than one occasion because his men's safety was more important than his own life. That Sergeant and I have been lifelong friends. When they brought me off Suribachi we passed the Sergeant and he lit a smoke and passed it to me, lying on my belly on the litter and said, 'Where'd they get you Lee?' 'Well Bob... If you make it home before me, tell Mom to sell the outhouse!' Johnny. I'm not lying; Sergeant Keeshan was the bravest man I ever knew.
The Sergeant's name is Bob Keeshan. You and the world know him as Captain Kangaroo.'
On another note, there was this wimpy little man (who just passed away) on PB S, gentle and quiet. Mr. Rogers is another of those you would least suspect of being anything but what he now portrays to our youth. But Mr. Rogers was a U.S. Navy Seal, combat-proven in Vietnam with over twenty-five confirmed kills to his name. He wore a long-sleeved sweater on TV, to cover the many tattoos on his forearm and biceps. He was a master in small arms and hand-to-hand combat, able to disarm or kill in a heartbeat.
After the war Mr. Rogers became an ordained Presbyterian minister and, therefore, a pacifist. Vowing to never harm another human, and also dedicating the rest of his life to trying to help lead children on the right path in life, he hid away the tattoos and his past life and won our hearts with his quiet wit and charm.
America's real heroes don't flaunt what they did; they quietly go about their day-to-day lives, doing what they do best. They earned our respect and the freedoms that we all enjoy. Look around and see if you can find one of those heroes in your midst. Often, they are the ones you'd least suspect, but would most like to have on your side if anything ever happened. Take the time to thank anyone that has fought for our freedom. With encouragement they could be the next Captain Kangaroo or Mr. Rogers.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
It's a God Thing...
Sometimes when we see those around us in need, crying out for mercy, or love, or even just a helping hand, we turn the other way and pretend not to notice. It makes us feel uncomfortable.
My 18 year old daughter (Lisa) had recently started a job at Home Depot as a cashier. Saturday morning she had to go to work early. When she got to work, she realized that she would be working outside in the nursery department at Home Depot. She called me (early on MY Saturday morning), and asked if I would come down and bring her coat, and a Starbucks coffee.
Naturally, I grumbled. Saturday morning was my day to sleep in, relax, read the paper, etc.
Ultimately, I felt a need to get out of bed, get dressed, and drag myself to Starbucks to get my daughter's coffee (she was cold and needed my help).
There was long line in front of me at the coffee shop, but I waited patiently for my turn. I noticed that the guy waiting in front of me had a shaved head, multiple tattoos, and was shabbily dressed. His appearance made me feel a little uncomfortable, but I didn't think much more about it.
When I finally ordered my daughter's coffee, and was ready to pay, the clerk said that "the coffee was already paid for". She said, "Consider it a blessing".
I'm sure I must have made a strange face, as the guy with the tattoos (waiting on his coffee order) just smiled.
What the clerk did not tell me was that this disturbing-looking tattoo guy had paid for his coffee AND the coffee for the next two people in line. He instructed the clerk to not say anything. I watched the next lady in line after me order her coffee. She got the same message from the clerk, and made the same happy, puzzled look.
Ultimately, both of us realized that the tattooed man in front of us had given us this gift, and we thanked him. He was not looking for thanks, just the happiness he saw on our faces as we received his random gift from his heart.
When the tattoo man left, the lady and I discussed our experience. When I told her "the rest of the story" about my daughter, she started to cry. She said that in this small act, God had helped renew her own faith.
As I see it, by getting out of bed and driving over to Starbucks to help out my daughter, God PUT me in line behind this tattooed man, and gave me the gift ( of free coffee) for helping those in need.
Was this just an amazing coincidence? I don't think so!
I believe that when we consciously decide to help someone else (even when it hurts to do so), that God will reward you and others in beautiful and wonderful ways. God IS alive and well in our communities today.
Although this was just a small thing, I believe that this was truly a "God" thing...
Please send me your own "It's a God Thing" stories, so we can share and inspire each other.
My 18 year old daughter (Lisa) had recently started a job at Home Depot as a cashier. Saturday morning she had to go to work early. When she got to work, she realized that she would be working outside in the nursery department at Home Depot. She called me (early on MY Saturday morning), and asked if I would come down and bring her coat, and a Starbucks coffee.
Naturally, I grumbled. Saturday morning was my day to sleep in, relax, read the paper, etc.
Ultimately, I felt a need to get out of bed, get dressed, and drag myself to Starbucks to get my daughter's coffee (she was cold and needed my help).
There was long line in front of me at the coffee shop, but I waited patiently for my turn. I noticed that the guy waiting in front of me had a shaved head, multiple tattoos, and was shabbily dressed. His appearance made me feel a little uncomfortable, but I didn't think much more about it.
When I finally ordered my daughter's coffee, and was ready to pay, the clerk said that "the coffee was already paid for". She said, "Consider it a blessing".
I'm sure I must have made a strange face, as the guy with the tattoos (waiting on his coffee order) just smiled.
What the clerk did not tell me was that this disturbing-looking tattoo guy had paid for his coffee AND the coffee for the next two people in line. He instructed the clerk to not say anything. I watched the next lady in line after me order her coffee. She got the same message from the clerk, and made the same happy, puzzled look.
Ultimately, both of us realized that the tattooed man in front of us had given us this gift, and we thanked him. He was not looking for thanks, just the happiness he saw on our faces as we received his random gift from his heart.
When the tattoo man left, the lady and I discussed our experience. When I told her "the rest of the story" about my daughter, she started to cry. She said that in this small act, God had helped renew her own faith.
As I see it, by getting out of bed and driving over to Starbucks to help out my daughter, God PUT me in line behind this tattooed man, and gave me the gift ( of free coffee) for helping those in need.
Was this just an amazing coincidence? I don't think so!
I believe that when we consciously decide to help someone else (even when it hurts to do so), that God will reward you and others in beautiful and wonderful ways. God IS alive and well in our communities today.
Although this was just a small thing, I believe that this was truly a "God" thing...
Please send me your own "It's a God Thing" stories, so we can share and inspire each other.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Feng Shui Tip #3-The Bedroom
Your bedroom is your ultimate inner sanctum where you are at your most vulnerable while you sleep and recharge your chi. From a yin/yang perspective, this is a more yin, quiet and peaceful environment; you need to feel protected and do not want distracting and powerful chi to disturb you. At the same time, there needs to be a good circulation of chi and plenty of fresh air available to recharge you.
If you find that you are not sleeping very well, or you are having trouble focusing in school or work, try these minor Feng Shui remedies in your bedroom:
If you find that you are not sleeping very well, or you are having trouble focusing in school or work, try these minor Feng Shui remedies in your bedroom:
- On entering your bedroom, note where the windows are located. Chi tends to travel between the door and any windows rapidly, so avoid positioning your headboard in line with this “draught” of chi. If your headboard is in line with this wall, you will not be able to sleep as well, or focus as clearly during the day.
- Avoid positioning your bed with the foot facing the door. This is referred to as the “Death position”. Years ago, people typically died in their homes, and the custom was to always be carried out “feet first”.
- If you have a bathroom, toilet or shower leading off your bedroom, make sure that the door to this room is always closed, as is the toilet seat. Bathrooms are unlucky spaces in the home because as water flows away from the room (sink and toilet) so does your luck.
- If there is a TV in your bedroom, cover it with a towel before going to sleep (to stop the electrical waves eminating from it). These disturb your sleep.
- If you are single and would like to attract someone of the opposite sex into your life, try hanging a picture of a mountain in your bedroom. You can also place a male sculpture (to attract men) or a female sculpture (to attract women) in your bedroom.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Feng Shui Tip #2
The most auspicious (lucky) number in Feng Shui is the number 9.
Here is a cure to help your house become as lucky as it can be.
Add all of the numbers in your address (EX: 404=4+0+4=8). If your address adds up to anything less than 9, figure out what number you would need to add to your address to equal 9.
Using clear nail polish, add on this new number to the end of your address sign (outside-half size). No one will be able to see the number, but your house will know that it is now the luckiest it can be.
PS: Don't do this when your neighbors can see you (ha.ha)
Here is a cure to help your house become as lucky as it can be.
Add all of the numbers in your address (EX: 404=4+0+4=8). If your address adds up to anything less than 9, figure out what number you would need to add to your address to equal 9.
Using clear nail polish, add on this new number to the end of your address sign (outside-half size). No one will be able to see the number, but your house will know that it is now the luckiest it can be.
PS: Don't do this when your neighbors can see you (ha.ha)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Simple Feng Shui Cures
As some of you may or may not know, one of my passions in life is Feng Shui.
Feng Shui literally means "wind and water." Pronounced "fung shway" or "fung shoi" (but often mispronounced in English as "feng shu-i"), Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese practice of placement and arrangement of space to achieve harmony with the environment. The practice is estimated to be more than three thousand years old.
Whether or not we can improve our love life, health, finances, etc., by simply moving something around our home, or painting a room a particular color, remains to be seen. However, as long as it doesn’t cost anything, what harm is there in trying?
Occasionally, I will offer you some basic cures for improving your lot in life.
Let’s start with one area near and dear to all of us: MONEY.
Try this…Stack nine cents in the southeast corner of your home (the money section). Also move or buy a small jade or bamboo plant, and place it in this southeast section of your home. That’s it. Theoretically, within a few days, you should receive some unexpected financial windfall. Not a fortune, but found money. Let me know if this cure is successful for you.
My next cure will bring good fortune to your home, simply with a bottle of clear nail polish.
Feng Shui literally means "wind and water." Pronounced "fung shway" or "fung shoi" (but often mispronounced in English as "feng shu-i"), Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese practice of placement and arrangement of space to achieve harmony with the environment. The practice is estimated to be more than three thousand years old.
Whether or not we can improve our love life, health, finances, etc., by simply moving something around our home, or painting a room a particular color, remains to be seen. However, as long as it doesn’t cost anything, what harm is there in trying?
Occasionally, I will offer you some basic cures for improving your lot in life.
Let’s start with one area near and dear to all of us: MONEY.
Try this…Stack nine cents in the southeast corner of your home (the money section). Also move or buy a small jade or bamboo plant, and place it in this southeast section of your home. That’s it. Theoretically, within a few days, you should receive some unexpected financial windfall. Not a fortune, but found money. Let me know if this cure is successful for you.
My next cure will bring good fortune to your home, simply with a bottle of clear nail polish.
Monday, January 19, 2009
ABOUT ME
I was born in Houston, TX in 1953. We traveled around the country a lot when I was a child, so I lost my southern accent by the time I had reached high school.
I attended Paradise Valley High School in Phoenix (graduated 1972), with a 4 year scholastic scholarship to the University of Arizona in Tucson. Sue got a 4 year scholarship to ASU in Tempe. I was so sick of school after high school, that I said, "I don't want your scholarship, I want to join the Navy and see the world!" Sue’s mother was very happy about my choice.
I joined the Navy in 1973 and served aboard the USS Blueridge (LCC19) until 1975. I was an operations specialist (radar tied to the computer, air traffic control, etc). I am a Vietnam Vet. Our ship was the one that newsreels show helicopters being pushed off the rear of the ship. What a story.
After the Navy, I attended ASU with a major in marketing. I went three years, and quit due to boredom. I have over 120 credit hours, but I never did get my degree.
I married my high school sweetheart (Sue Yuschik) in Oct 1979. We met in High School making a movie for the boy scouts called “Cinderella Mod”. She played Cindy, and I played Harry A. Prince. Her fairy godmother turned a Coors can into a corvette, and she dropped one of her combat boots at the dance. In the end, we had a kiss scene. The night before that scene, we went to an amusement park (Legend City). I asked her if we could practice the kiss scene, and she said, “Why don’t we just hold hands, instead.” We are still holding hands today.
We have twin sons (Ryan and Dan) born in April 1983. We also have a lovely daughter (Lisa) born in Jan 1990.
Daniel married Leigh Ayn Brocato in 2005. They had our first grandson (Calvin) in 2007. Calvin is the first grandson for both families, and he gets a lot of attention. Unfortunately, with them living in Vegas, we don't get to hug him as much as we would like to. Sue watches airfare prices almost daily to look for good fares to Las Vegas. As far as in-laws, we couldn't have asked for better ones than Larry and Victoria Brocato. Sometimes when we visit Las Vegas, we stay at their place. They are the perfect hosts. We both love to go to garage sales on the weekend, and then over to Starbucks for coffee. Leigh-Ayn is due again in October 2010.
Ryan married a lovely young lady named Mimi. She had two precious children from a previous marraige, and they both get along great with Ryan (Kaylie(SP) and Luc). We just found out that she is pregnant.
Both our boys live and work in Las Vegas. They are IT professionals at Vegas.com.
Lisa still lives in Denver. She works as a cashier at home depot. Lisa tells her customers, "Please don't ask me where anything is, I'm just here to check you out, and look cute". She is currently dating Mikey, a fellow Home depot employee. I think she plans on attending college in the spring of 2009, but her plans change daily. Over New Years, she dropped a bomb on us. The second worst thing a parent frets about (after death of their child). She has become another statistic as an unwed Mom to be. Sue and I were devastated initially, but we have both come to realize that life throws you many curves. All you can do is learn to roll with the punches, and move on. Baby DASH is a very cute and precocious one year old. Mikey is his father, and they are discussing marriage.
Sue and I went from no grand-kids to six in about two years.
I have worked for the US Postal Service for over 31 years, as a real estate specialist. I purchase land for new post offices nationwide. I a currently ELIGIBLE to retire. If the economy doesn't get any better soon, then I plan on continuing to work.
I play the guitar, write music, and I love playing music from the 70's (James Taylor, Simon & Garfunkel, Harry Chapin, etc).
I am also an amateur real estate investor. After purchasing about 12 homes, the poor real estate market caught up with us, and so we are now down to just two homes.
Sue and I are active in the church, and spend time volunteering. We also like to travel, cruise, and just spend time together. Every Friday we go on an "$8.00 dollar date" (the early movie @ $2.00 each, and two items from the Wendy's dollar menu). Dinner and movie for two for $8.00. What a deal. Sue says that if I wasn't already married, I probably wouldn't be. The intent of the date is just to spend more time together.
I attended Paradise Valley High School in Phoenix (graduated 1972), with a 4 year scholastic scholarship to the University of Arizona in Tucson. Sue got a 4 year scholarship to ASU in Tempe. I was so sick of school after high school, that I said, "I don't want your scholarship, I want to join the Navy and see the world!" Sue’s mother was very happy about my choice.
I joined the Navy in 1973 and served aboard the USS Blueridge (LCC19) until 1975. I was an operations specialist (radar tied to the computer, air traffic control, etc). I am a Vietnam Vet. Our ship was the one that newsreels show helicopters being pushed off the rear of the ship. What a story.
After the Navy, I attended ASU with a major in marketing. I went three years, and quit due to boredom. I have over 120 credit hours, but I never did get my degree.
I married my high school sweetheart (Sue Yuschik) in Oct 1979. We met in High School making a movie for the boy scouts called “Cinderella Mod”. She played Cindy, and I played Harry A. Prince. Her fairy godmother turned a Coors can into a corvette, and she dropped one of her combat boots at the dance. In the end, we had a kiss scene. The night before that scene, we went to an amusement park (Legend City). I asked her if we could practice the kiss scene, and she said, “Why don’t we just hold hands, instead.” We are still holding hands today.
We have twin sons (Ryan and Dan) born in April 1983. We also have a lovely daughter (Lisa) born in Jan 1990.
Daniel married Leigh Ayn Brocato in 2005. They had our first grandson (Calvin) in 2007. Calvin is the first grandson for both families, and he gets a lot of attention. Unfortunately, with them living in Vegas, we don't get to hug him as much as we would like to. Sue watches airfare prices almost daily to look for good fares to Las Vegas. As far as in-laws, we couldn't have asked for better ones than Larry and Victoria Brocato. Sometimes when we visit Las Vegas, we stay at their place. They are the perfect hosts. We both love to go to garage sales on the weekend, and then over to Starbucks for coffee. Leigh-Ayn is due again in October 2010.
Ryan married a lovely young lady named Mimi. She had two precious children from a previous marraige, and they both get along great with Ryan (Kaylie(SP) and Luc). We just found out that she is pregnant.
Both our boys live and work in Las Vegas. They are IT professionals at Vegas.com.
Lisa still lives in Denver. She works as a cashier at home depot. Lisa tells her customers, "Please don't ask me where anything is, I'm just here to check you out, and look cute". She is currently dating Mikey, a fellow Home depot employee. I think she plans on attending college in the spring of 2009, but her plans change daily. Over New Years, she dropped a bomb on us. The second worst thing a parent frets about (after death of their child). She has become another statistic as an unwed Mom to be. Sue and I were devastated initially, but we have both come to realize that life throws you many curves. All you can do is learn to roll with the punches, and move on. Baby DASH is a very cute and precocious one year old. Mikey is his father, and they are discussing marriage.
Sue and I went from no grand-kids to six in about two years.
I have worked for the US Postal Service for over 31 years, as a real estate specialist. I purchase land for new post offices nationwide. I a currently ELIGIBLE to retire. If the economy doesn't get any better soon, then I plan on continuing to work.
I play the guitar, write music, and I love playing music from the 70's (James Taylor, Simon & Garfunkel, Harry Chapin, etc).
I am also an amateur real estate investor. After purchasing about 12 homes, the poor real estate market caught up with us, and so we are now down to just two homes.
Sue and I are active in the church, and spend time volunteering. We also like to travel, cruise, and just spend time together. Every Friday we go on an "$8.00 dollar date" (the early movie @ $2.00 each, and two items from the Wendy's dollar menu). Dinner and movie for two for $8.00. What a deal. Sue says that if I wasn't already married, I probably wouldn't be. The intent of the date is just to spend more time together.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Funny, But True Stories of My Life
On this page, I have added a few stories that actually happened in my life. At first they caused me to get upset or stand against the winds blowing in my life. When I finally learned to laugh at myself, and bend with the wind, I discovered an entirely new outlook on life.
I hope that they will inspire you to smile, and learn to bend with the winds that blow in your own life.
Garry Mattox
I hope that they will inspire you to smile, and learn to bend with the winds that blow in your own life.
Garry Mattox
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The Great "Liberty" Sting
As a young enlisted man in the Navy, I was fortunate enough to travel the world. Each new port that we visited allowed us to experience another unknown culture and people. As ambassadors of the United States while overseas, the Navy expected us to portray a positive image to our overseas neighbors. Our hair, clothes, shoes, and the way we acted were under daily scrutiny. Sailors cannot leave the ship for liberty if any of these elements did not satisfy the "Officer of the Deck."
When the ship docked in Singapore, the excitement about visiting this strange and beautiful land was everywhere. As I was about to leave the ship, the officer of the deck said, "Go get a haircut before you leave!" I told him that the barber had already left the ship. He told me that if I did not get a haircut, that I could not leave the ship.
Frustrated, I concocted a grand plan to fool the officer into letting me off the ship. I knew that many people were leaving the ship at the same time, and that the officer was very busy. I shined my shoes up like glass and made my way back to the quarterdeck and the Officer.
"Are my shoes shiny enough for you now, sir?", I said.
"Sure, sure, go on liberty," he responded.
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The "Plum-Tooth" Fairy
Losing his first baby tooth was very traumatic for my young son. The tales of a "Tooth-Fairy" bringing money for baby teeth so intrigued him that he would constantly wiggle the tooth back and forth hoping to dislodge it. His mother told him to eat a piece of fruit with the hopes that the tooth might come out while biting it. As he began eating a plum, a very disgusted expression came over his face. The plum was extremely sour. His mother told him, "Don’t throw it away, give it to your dad. He loves sour plums."
As I proceeded to eat the plum, I heard a loud cry from my son. He had realized that his tooth had come out and that he had lost it. We all searched for the tooth but to no avail. We assured him that the tooth fairy would know that his tooth had fallen out and that she would leave him some money for it anyway.
Later, as my wife and I pondered the mystery of the lost tooth, we understood what had happened. When my son bit into the sour plum, his tooth had come out and lodged in the fruit. When he gave the plum to me, I ate it, and unknowingly, the tooth still lodged inside...
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The Great "Food Dye" Fiasco
A freshly fallen snow is a great enticement for young people. However, making snow angels and snowmen was getting boring. My wife suggested that the kids take an empty hairspray bottle, fill it with water and yellow food dye, and spray paint pictures in the snow. My son decided to give it a try. By mistake, he took a full bottle of hairspray and mixed in yellow food dye for painting. The kids painted and played in the snow for hours. However, when they finished playing outside, they forgot to throw the bottle with the yellow dye away.
My wife unknowingly picked the hairspray bottle up off the stairs and put it back in the bathroom cabinet. The next morning as I was preparing for work, I showered, shaved, and combed my hair. As my hair is very thin, I typically add a little hair spray to keep it in place all day. I reached for the hairspray under the sink and sprayed it generously all over my head.
To my amazement, when I looked in the mirror, the top of my head was bright canary yellow. My eyes got so big that I looked like two cooked eggs. I rushed out of the room and showed my wife, expecting sympathy. She laughed so hard at my predicament, that I finally started laughing as well. Luckily, when I jumped back in the shower and re-shampooed my hair, the dye came off my head. Yellow is not my best color...
As a young enlisted man in the Navy, I was fortunate enough to travel the world. Each new port that we visited allowed us to experience another unknown culture and people. As ambassadors of the United States while overseas, the Navy expected us to portray a positive image to our overseas neighbors. Our hair, clothes, shoes, and the way we acted were under daily scrutiny. Sailors cannot leave the ship for liberty if any of these elements did not satisfy the "Officer of the Deck."
When the ship docked in Singapore, the excitement about visiting this strange and beautiful land was everywhere. As I was about to leave the ship, the officer of the deck said, "Go get a haircut before you leave!" I told him that the barber had already left the ship. He told me that if I did not get a haircut, that I could not leave the ship.
Frustrated, I concocted a grand plan to fool the officer into letting me off the ship. I knew that many people were leaving the ship at the same time, and that the officer was very busy. I shined my shoes up like glass and made my way back to the quarterdeck and the Officer.
"Are my shoes shiny enough for you now, sir?", I said.
"Sure, sure, go on liberty," he responded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The "Plum-Tooth" Fairy
Losing his first baby tooth was very traumatic for my young son. The tales of a "Tooth-Fairy" bringing money for baby teeth so intrigued him that he would constantly wiggle the tooth back and forth hoping to dislodge it. His mother told him to eat a piece of fruit with the hopes that the tooth might come out while biting it. As he began eating a plum, a very disgusted expression came over his face. The plum was extremely sour. His mother told him, "Don’t throw it away, give it to your dad. He loves sour plums."
As I proceeded to eat the plum, I heard a loud cry from my son. He had realized that his tooth had come out and that he had lost it. We all searched for the tooth but to no avail. We assured him that the tooth fairy would know that his tooth had fallen out and that she would leave him some money for it anyway.
Later, as my wife and I pondered the mystery of the lost tooth, we understood what had happened. When my son bit into the sour plum, his tooth had come out and lodged in the fruit. When he gave the plum to me, I ate it, and unknowingly, the tooth still lodged inside...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Great "Food Dye" Fiasco
A freshly fallen snow is a great enticement for young people. However, making snow angels and snowmen was getting boring. My wife suggested that the kids take an empty hairspray bottle, fill it with water and yellow food dye, and spray paint pictures in the snow. My son decided to give it a try. By mistake, he took a full bottle of hairspray and mixed in yellow food dye for painting. The kids painted and played in the snow for hours. However, when they finished playing outside, they forgot to throw the bottle with the yellow dye away.
My wife unknowingly picked the hairspray bottle up off the stairs and put it back in the bathroom cabinet. The next morning as I was preparing for work, I showered, shaved, and combed my hair. As my hair is very thin, I typically add a little hair spray to keep it in place all day. I reached for the hairspray under the sink and sprayed it generously all over my head.
To my amazement, when I looked in the mirror, the top of my head was bright canary yellow. My eyes got so big that I looked like two cooked eggs. I rushed out of the room and showed my wife, expecting sympathy. She laughed so hard at my predicament, that I finally started laughing as well. Luckily, when I jumped back in the shower and re-shampooed my hair, the dye came off my head. Yellow is not my best color...
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