A summary of my Favorite Posts from "My Life is Average"...

I noticed that there was a warning on my bag of marshmallows: "choke hazard: eat only one at a time." Feeling rebellious, I stuffed two marshmallows into my mouth at once. I nearly choked. That's the last time I live life on the edge...

While handing out candy on Halloween, I noticed two kids dressed as "big hands" bumping each other as a high five; kids dressed as crayons were chasing kids dressed as paper; and a kid dressed as a priest was slapping a kid dressed as the devil with his Bible saying, "The power of Christ compels you"... I love Halloween.

Friday, I went through the McD's drive-through and ordered a #3 with a cinnamelt. I realized I did not have enough money for the cinnamelt, so I quickly drove out of line and pulled in a parking spot by the door. I tried to look puzzled as to what to order. I'll take a #3. The man proceeded to hand me a bag and said, "There's a cinnamelt in there for you, too. Some jerk just drove off after ordering.

Last night I noticed that our ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it. I need to get out more...

On the way to work this morning, I heard on the radio that, in a town in Ohio, it's illegal to walk down the street backwards while eating a donut. Now I really want to know what happened to make such a law necessary.

I recently checked out a book at the library on how to improve my memory. Unfortunately, I can't remember where I put it.

While visiting a neighbor's home, I watched their cat fall off the couch and it did NOT land on its feet. I feel like I've been lied to my whole life now.

Yesterday, when a telemarketer called and asked to speak to the head of the household, I began saying, "No comprendo". He told me to hold on. After waiting a few seconds, a Spanish woman was put on the line. She began speaking, and after a few words I started saying "I can't understand you!” T...he line went silent and a different English speaking man was put on the line. I got them to switch 4 times. Am I bad?

My wife found 7 bucks in her winter coat pocket that she must have left in there from last winter. Hoping I would be just as lucky, I decided to pull out my winter coat from my closet to see what hidden treasures lay inside. I found a spoon.

I used a Facebook application that told me the statistics about my friends. It said that 60% of my friends are female and 38% are male. I'm still wondering about that 2%.

While eating M&M's I found a purple M&M in my bag. I'm onto you, red and blue.

I was listening to music on my computer and thought I smelled my daughter cooking brownies. I wasn't sure, so I turned the volume down. I still don't know why I did that.

I was at Costco with my wife shopping for groceries. I was in the mood for Naked brand orange juice, so I turned to Sue and said, very loudly and casually, "Honey, can we get Naked?" I have never heard Costco shoppers fall silent so quickly.

I received a Canadian nickel in change from the Coke machine. It was the same nickel I put into it three days earlier to get rid of money I can't use while cleverly tricking the machine. Touché, Coke machine. Touché.